it took too long to find the words

How does it feel being in these arms?
What's it really like to be loved?
I've been alone now, how long?
Have you ever loved the way that i have?
And i have often wondered who, Who could love you the way i do?
Now i just want you to know, how i'm touched deep in my soul just being with you. And i need you more each day.
Baby, if you're still awake, Call me when you get this.
I've got all this poetry now i didn't know then. I kept inside.
guess i had never seen anything beautiful Till i first saw you asleep at night. And i have often wondered who, Who could love you the way i do?
Now i just want you to know, How i'm touched deep in my soul Just being with you. And i need you more each day. Baby, if you're still awake,
Call me when you get this.
I just wanted to know what it was like, what's it really like to be loved?
These little volcanoes came as a surprise to me.
I never thought i could be this way.
And i have been cautious and i've tried to keep to myself, but who could love you the way i do?
Now i just want you to know, how i'm touched deep in my soul.
Just being with you. So much more each day,
Baby, if you're still awake, Call me when you get this

the same

still stuck in my head and I can't get it clear.

why is it so hard to let go

bad sunday

it's strange that even though there's no apparent hope, I still can't let go.

yep

got back in to my history class, only missed 3 so it' s all good, though I can't miss anymore.
so we progress even as I continue to long for what was.........

The conclusion

8:45pmest

So the end is in sight. Gazing over the edge, what is to be seen?

A new journey , to go where so many others have traveled before......... I just hope I'm right. But even if I'm wrong I'll know and it will be much better than waiting to find out.

All preparation have been made. The monster tended to, and messages left for those who never seem to answer when I call. Why is that... no one ever, it's extremely rare that someone answers when I call. guess no loss there then.

The answer is always ########## someone will figure that out.

I recomend that everyone listen to Hayden's song Bullet off "the closer I get" album.

I'll end with this... Never lose sight of what you have for the things you do not. Love as it's your last day every day. Give your whole heart no matter if it gets broken. Make sure your family knows you love them, even if your family doesn't say I love you. You'll regret if it you don't. Get a dog and love it, for it will love you back a thousand fold. K is the best letter.

the doors open.

email from my sister

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that Wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You Will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so Remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight With your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things An old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, And you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too Many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never Been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset Is a minute of happiness you'll never ge t back. Don 't be Afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never Begin.

not sure who actually wrote that but they did a pretty good job.

breathing

Today has been a bizzare day indeed. I went to sleep with one thought and woke with the same. It made me do something that I'll more than likely end up regretting very soon. Not that I think it will make a difference in my view of a positive way. But, hey you never know unless you try and somethings are worth the risk no matter what the out come.

due to the death of 99x in here in Atlanta, there's nothing on the radio at all... to this end I have been forced to expand the stations I listen to in my truck with only a tape player...yeah..

Anyway, I was scanning through as I do driving home and I came a across a country station that had back to back good songs. First was lucky man, or maybe that's not the title but anyway. Listening to it I start to reflect and see that I was lucky,, but blind to my own luck. Like the song says in the beginning, looking at what others have I forgot what I had. I'm guilty of this many times over and I never took a step back to see that I had all my dreams in my arms. Because I had it all I couldn't see it or didn't see it because everything was there. This is the part where I really start to loathe my self. Gonna change subjects before I starting getting carried away. Huh, I just reread this... I guess the song actually had the reverse affect on me. just my luck

The second song was by the Toby Keith... I think the title was Red White and Blue. Definately a good American song. Makes me swell up with American pride. No matter what is going on in the world this is still the best shot all of us have to find our happiness. This is only place we have enough freedom to figure it all out and get it wrong just to try again.

Music keeps you moving. TV only sucks you down. Other than History Channel shows and random movies there's nothing interesting on tv anyway. I just sit and flip channels. Time lost.
Time lost... yeah, that's what it all is now. Pushing through time to see what's at the other end.

So where do we go from here is the question. Even in my head I say we.. what? am I leading a group.. is there more than one person in here. Perhaps I have spent far too much time with my thoughts in the makeshift fortress of solitude
ANd what is this damned feeling that I need to prove my worth on a global scale. What is that, does everyone have that going through their heads everyday. Is it just the writing in me forcing stories out since I refuse to put them to pen. Concepts for stories, yes. I have pages upon pages but actual content... little.I need some kind of thought transfer system then I could plug in as they came,,, driving down the road thinking of a charactors background isn't the best for timing and then you get out of the truck and it's lost..... lost. well until it reappears in your thought at another moment and you can't write again. It's a cruel joke they play on us.

Also, the whole dark matter in the universe thing is still freaking me out... it just keeps popping up. I guess the best way to look at is to use the time you have as it is running out. Get busy livin or get busy dyin. but which?

failure

One of the big mistakes I think we make in relationships is that we don't give our best energy to the people that matter most.

yeah, I miss her.

Seriously, it's not Christmas

Anybody else feel this way? I mean it's Dec 14th and I just don't feel it at all this year.
maybe it's just not a lonely guy's holiday. I'll buy something nice for my dog, parents, sister, and nephew that's it. No big present for the one I love this year, as that spot has become vacate, boo.

well now

Crazy that it's been over a year since I last posted here.

Guess I'll try to start it back up again.

Money and it's evil

Basicly I hate that our world is based on money. how much do you make, how much do you have in savings. you need money to do this, to do that. why should small pieces of paper dictate our lives? Without money you are basicly resigned to sitting at home and watching time pass. Of course if I were making large amounts of money I most likely wouldn't be feeling this way. But I don't and I am. Something needs to happen, I would love to fast forward a few hundred years and see if life is still based on small green pieces of paper. it's spent as soon as you get it on this bill or that bill. Leaving nothing in your account to use while trying to enjoy life. We are ruled by the all mighty dollar and like it or not, there's nothing we can do about it.... for now anyway. I really hate that.

movtivation

I'm sorely lacking movtivation at work. I guess it's because I know it's time to move on. But then I also lack the movtivation to update my resume and get it out there. I guess it has something to do with I have no clue what else I can do. I've been doing tech support for the better part of 8yrs. And no, there's hasn't been as signifigant growth in what I do, in fact it's only gone down hill in the last several years as pay is lowered in because most company's now out source their tech support to cheaper labor over seas. Good times for us here. I really want a clean start doing something I've never done before but what! Maybe I should try the car sales thing again. That was fun at moments but damn the hrs. Weekends, holidays, and rarely ever getting a day off. But I can sure sit around and talk about cars all day. I guess I'm just lost. I really don't feel that my life has made a difference at all. I'm just plugging away at nothing, working toward nothing. This is a very depressing realization. Well no ones going to just walk up and hand me a better job doing something completely differnt so I guess I'll just do it my self. Time to bring the Thunder.

My love

Just want to test out posting a picture and what better than a picture of Krisi and I.

Food in the work place

It seems like everytime I turn around someone else in the office is having a birthday. What does that mean... birthday cake. From birthday cake to candy bowls sitting on just about everyone's desk. This has to be why so many people are over weight, you just can't escape it. Oh, and don't even say you don't want any cake because then it's as if you don't want to say happy birthday to that person. I really just need to be able to work from home. I see that as the only solution.

yep

Well I'm trying to get back into School as soon as possible. I can now clearly see how much a degree can help me get places I want to be in life. Looks like Spring 07 will be my starting point. I also can't say just how wonderful it is to have Krisi back from her Italian adventure. It's really like breathing again. I love her so much it's insane.

We have a big Auto Cross event this weekend, the Z will be running for the first time. I'm excited about it to say the least and the fact the my love will be with me for this makes it mean so much more. Of course, this event will only make me want to spend more money on the Z in order to improve my times.

minivan race car driver

ok, so I do dislike some ppl more than others. The top of that list would be minivan driver's who for whatever reason think they are driving a sports car. This morning driving to work, I get cut off by an old nissan quest. I then watch this guy swerve through 3 lanes of traffic trying to get better position. It was kinda funny and very stupid at the same time. I could just see him hitting a car and then all of us being caught in a massive swarm of twisted metal. Fun thoughts as all I want to do it make to the airport on Sunday alive.

empty

I'm still going through very low points of missing Krisi. I can be find and then boom, like a bomb I'm depressed. Just a few more days until we're together again though. I can't wait, taking a little trip out of town for a night. Just good time together away from the world. The apartment is still so cold and uninviting without her there. I miss her so much. Love lift us up where we belong.

Writing my great epic now,... or starting it. Character development is killing me though. Fresh idea's are hard to hold onto. So I only work on it every other day, I'm hoping this will keep the idea's coming.

I really do feel like I have changed my life though, writing, reading, just thinking things through. Everthing has helpped me see what I was and what I am now and shall ever be. Kinda like I was living through a fog, but it's all so clear now. But knowing that I will only pray harder for people and things in my life.

time goes so slowly when waiting

I just want June 25th to be here already. That's not asking too much is it?
13 more days and it's killing me. I can't wait for the airport pick up trip. I'm going to be so excited driving down there.

Working out has progressed right along. I've been under the 200lbs mark for right at a week now. Finally making some head way on it all. I've requested a ton of information from Schools. I need to get back in soon, too much wasted time just working when I could have been taking evening or classes online. I hate all the time I've wasted in just about every aspect of my life. Mostly, the time missed telling Krisi how I truely feel about her. She knows now, I just hope it's not too late. I love her so much it hurts.

I'm tired of thinking of titles

Waking up this morning I felt completely empty. Just run down completely and on top of that I now apparently have a cold in 85-90 degree weather. I look forward to this weekend though. I should be able to talk to Krisi a bit and Sunday I have an autox with the Z. Sometimes what you want to tell someone can't be put into words. Words just don't communicate the way I want them too sometimes. I wish we could communicate by someone taking a backseat in our soul. So they can know exactly what we are thinking, exactly what we are feeling. Communicating in that way would eliminate so many unanswered questions, so many unanswered emotions. Not so much unanswered emotions but emotions that you want someone else to feel with you.

lyrics

been listening to a lot of music lately.
This from an incubus song sticks in my head.

I never thought I could want someone so much
cause now you're not here
and I'm knee deep in love with you

Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
floating down a river named emotion
will I make it back to shore?
or drift into the unknown