bad sunday

it's strange that even though there's no apparent hope, I still can't let go.

yep

got back in to my history class, only missed 3 so it' s all good, though I can't miss anymore.
so we progress even as I continue to long for what was.........

The conclusion

8:45pmest

So the end is in sight. Gazing over the edge, what is to be seen?

A new journey , to go where so many others have traveled before......... I just hope I'm right. But even if I'm wrong I'll know and it will be much better than waiting to find out.

All preparation have been made. The monster tended to, and messages left for those who never seem to answer when I call. Why is that... no one ever, it's extremely rare that someone answers when I call. guess no loss there then.

The answer is always ########## someone will figure that out.

I recomend that everyone listen to Hayden's song Bullet off "the closer I get" album.

I'll end with this... Never lose sight of what you have for the things you do not. Love as it's your last day every day. Give your whole heart no matter if it gets broken. Make sure your family knows you love them, even if your family doesn't say I love you. You'll regret if it you don't. Get a dog and love it, for it will love you back a thousand fold. K is the best letter.

the doors open.

email from my sister

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that Wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You Will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so Remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight With your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things An old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, And you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too Many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never Been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset Is a minute of happiness you'll never ge t back. Don 't be Afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never Begin.

not sure who actually wrote that but they did a pretty good job.

breathing

Today has been a bizzare day indeed. I went to sleep with one thought and woke with the same. It made me do something that I'll more than likely end up regretting very soon. Not that I think it will make a difference in my view of a positive way. But, hey you never know unless you try and somethings are worth the risk no matter what the out come.

due to the death of 99x in here in Atlanta, there's nothing on the radio at all... to this end I have been forced to expand the stations I listen to in my truck with only a tape player...yeah..

Anyway, I was scanning through as I do driving home and I came a across a country station that had back to back good songs. First was lucky man, or maybe that's not the title but anyway. Listening to it I start to reflect and see that I was lucky,, but blind to my own luck. Like the song says in the beginning, looking at what others have I forgot what I had. I'm guilty of this many times over and I never took a step back to see that I had all my dreams in my arms. Because I had it all I couldn't see it or didn't see it because everything was there. This is the part where I really start to loathe my self. Gonna change subjects before I starting getting carried away. Huh, I just reread this... I guess the song actually had the reverse affect on me. just my luck

The second song was by the Toby Keith... I think the title was Red White and Blue. Definately a good American song. Makes me swell up with American pride. No matter what is going on in the world this is still the best shot all of us have to find our happiness. This is only place we have enough freedom to figure it all out and get it wrong just to try again.

Music keeps you moving. TV only sucks you down. Other than History Channel shows and random movies there's nothing interesting on tv anyway. I just sit and flip channels. Time lost.
Time lost... yeah, that's what it all is now. Pushing through time to see what's at the other end.

So where do we go from here is the question. Even in my head I say we.. what? am I leading a group.. is there more than one person in here. Perhaps I have spent far too much time with my thoughts in the makeshift fortress of solitude
ANd what is this damned feeling that I need to prove my worth on a global scale. What is that, does everyone have that going through their heads everyday. Is it just the writing in me forcing stories out since I refuse to put them to pen. Concepts for stories, yes. I have pages upon pages but actual content... little.I need some kind of thought transfer system then I could plug in as they came,,, driving down the road thinking of a charactors background isn't the best for timing and then you get out of the truck and it's lost..... lost. well until it reappears in your thought at another moment and you can't write again. It's a cruel joke they play on us.

Also, the whole dark matter in the universe thing is still freaking me out... it just keeps popping up. I guess the best way to look at is to use the time you have as it is running out. Get busy livin or get busy dyin. but which?

failure

One of the big mistakes I think we make in relationships is that we don't give our best energy to the people that matter most.

yeah, I miss her.