breathing

Today has been a bizzare day indeed. I went to sleep with one thought and woke with the same. It made me do something that I'll more than likely end up regretting very soon. Not that I think it will make a difference in my view of a positive way. But, hey you never know unless you try and somethings are worth the risk no matter what the out come.

due to the death of 99x in here in Atlanta, there's nothing on the radio at all... to this end I have been forced to expand the stations I listen to in my truck with only a tape player...yeah..

Anyway, I was scanning through as I do driving home and I came a across a country station that had back to back good songs. First was lucky man, or maybe that's not the title but anyway. Listening to it I start to reflect and see that I was lucky,, but blind to my own luck. Like the song says in the beginning, looking at what others have I forgot what I had. I'm guilty of this many times over and I never took a step back to see that I had all my dreams in my arms. Because I had it all I couldn't see it or didn't see it because everything was there. This is the part where I really start to loathe my self. Gonna change subjects before I starting getting carried away. Huh, I just reread this... I guess the song actually had the reverse affect on me. just my luck

The second song was by the Toby Keith... I think the title was Red White and Blue. Definately a good American song. Makes me swell up with American pride. No matter what is going on in the world this is still the best shot all of us have to find our happiness. This is only place we have enough freedom to figure it all out and get it wrong just to try again.

Music keeps you moving. TV only sucks you down. Other than History Channel shows and random movies there's nothing interesting on tv anyway. I just sit and flip channels. Time lost.
Time lost... yeah, that's what it all is now. Pushing through time to see what's at the other end.

So where do we go from here is the question. Even in my head I say we.. what? am I leading a group.. is there more than one person in here. Perhaps I have spent far too much time with my thoughts in the makeshift fortress of solitude
ANd what is this damned feeling that I need to prove my worth on a global scale. What is that, does everyone have that going through their heads everyday. Is it just the writing in me forcing stories out since I refuse to put them to pen. Concepts for stories, yes. I have pages upon pages but actual content... little.I need some kind of thought transfer system then I could plug in as they came,,, driving down the road thinking of a charactors background isn't the best for timing and then you get out of the truck and it's lost..... lost. well until it reappears in your thought at another moment and you can't write again. It's a cruel joke they play on us.

Also, the whole dark matter in the universe thing is still freaking me out... it just keeps popping up. I guess the best way to look at is to use the time you have as it is running out. Get busy livin or get busy dyin. but which?