I hate speakers

So I'm installing a new headunit and rear speakers in the Z. This started a few weeks ago with just the headunit install..... an install that didn't go well at all. I ended up blowing a fuse that took 3 weeks to find and fix. This time went much smoother. Everything is installed and hooked up correctly, the headunit works,,,powers on, plays a cd, but no sound what so ever. And the anneta isn't raising, so no radio stations either. At this point I'm close to taking it to Hifi buys or something to have them install it properly. Tell them I bought the car as is,... Fixing the A/C is next, it's 95 today outside....riding with the windows down will no longer get the job done. Sometimes just thinking about what all I need to do to this car makes me think I shouldn't have bought it. But, I think I was meant to have this Z. Not sure why yet, maybe just to fix up and bit and sell to buy a TT. I just wish the car was in a little better shape, but I guess you get what you pay for is a very true statement.

Still looking for a condo/townhouse/house to rent, I guess I'm going to have to just drive around through subdivision and look for rent signs.

Longing for someone that is half the world away sucks.

Beginning to see results from working out, just gonna keep up this pace of going. Working out really does make you feel better as a whole. I can definately see how making a total life style change to being healthier would hold a load of benefits. But damn sometimes you just need a checkers burger.

I've decided to become a bit grizzled, meaning no shaving and/or hair cut for the next few weeks. We'll see how long I can hold out.

lonely ness part 2

I still can't shake the emptiness I feel with Krisi away. Talking to her just a few times a day isn't getting the need and want of her. I miss her so much, like a part of me has died. As though I am weak now and void, just holding her would make all that go away. I just want to scream I miss you and love you from the mountain top and have her hear me. Life is so much better when I can wake up and she her, roll over in the middle of the night and she's there.

yet again I turn to a Harry Connick Jr song.

Hes always smiling
He never looks mean
Even when the sun comes in between
The man in the moon is smiling
cause hes in love
The man in the moon is smiling
cause hes in love with the girl in the world

Shes there in the evening
She never comes late
All day she spins around
But never makes him wait
The girl in the world is smiling
cause shes in love
The girl in the world is smiling
cause shes in love with the man in the moon

When two heavenly bodies glow
All the stars agree
A planet might be born
Maybe even a galaxy

And in the morning
They dont say good-bye
But with a kiss
They blend into the sky
Oh, theyre smiling
cause theyre in love
The man in the moon is smiling
cause hes in love with the girl in the world

The man in the moon is smiling
cause hes in love with the girl in the world

Heavenly!


This will be the next song I sing to Krisi.

I am counting the days until we are togehter again. 31

Working out is still on schedule and lazyness around the apt has improved. Keeping busy helps a bit. But those down times like going to bed and waking up are the hardest. Random days a just break down. You see how my thoughts just go right back to missing her.

Read more of the bible last night, psalms... good stuff in there. David said I have faith in the Lord and with that nothing can stand in my way.... or something to that effect. Been doing a lot of praying too, that is something that just makes you feel better about everything most of the time. Maybe just laying how you feel out to the Lord is all that is needed in life. I'll call those God Updates. Keep him informed about what's going on with me. Maybe I'll get a what's up back some time.

What's in a title

Well I stuck to my plan. Cleaned and worked out last night, and only watched about 45 minutes of tv before bed. Took the dog for a drive last night, seems like he barked at everyone. I mean everyone, ppl in cars, ppl walking on the side of the road, and ppl pumping gas. He's overly protective some times I guess.

Ok, so the real subject that I don't really want to write about is missing Krisi. It's been very hard so far. Sleep doesn't work out to well. Randomly I'll get a thought about her that I just can't shake. Like I'll smell something that reminds me of her or somewhere we've been together and then boom I'm a mess. What crazy is I get to talk to her a couple times a day. I just miss her warmth, her touch, and smell. Mornings are the hardest, I just want to wake up and see her there. Pull her in close for a big morning bed hug.

Laziness

A plague on us it is laziness. It robs us of time. Look at the successful people around you. How often do they say they did nothing last night. If you ask me what I did last night I'd say nothing, because all I did was get sucked into TV. I didn't even eat dinner till 11, way too close to bed time. Realizing this I have taken steps to ensure this will not happen again.

1. No TV until all other things (ie cleaning) are finished.
2. Only watch the shows you like. ( Suggested by my love Krisi) No more channel surfing.
3. If you really like a show, stop watching it and just buy the DVD at the end of a season.

This is all I have for this list so far.

Idle time also just makes me miss Krisi. That also just sucks me into a very sad depressed state. Though I am excited for the experience she is having, the emptiness that has been left is at some times overwhelming.

I have so begun to read the bible again. I had to of missed something in there, and reading it again I feel will only benefit me. Especially now, I need to find my spirituality. I feel like I need to be cleansed of evil.

Switching gears to the car: The electrical issue with the headlight, rear driving lights and the gauge lights has been fixed. Thanks to Brad from TT.net for helping me solve that crap. Stupid fuse. Then Saturday I drove the Z up to my parents for an intensive 3 hours of engine cleaning. The engine bay looks 75,000 times better. Next I'll proceed with the CD headunit and speaker install. I was leaning toward suspension next but I'll thinking that A/C in GA during the summer is more important.

Did I mention that I miss Krisi. Yeah, my thoughts even writing this circle right back to her. I just want to hold her, just for one sec. That would be enough for right now.

Work is work, nothing really worth updating there. Same old same old.

so lonely

Well Krisi is off to Italy for a study program. Last night was pretty rough, just knowing she wasn't there or coming home made the apartment seem so empty. I miss her more than I could have imagine, especially this quick. I'd give anything for a Krisi hug right now.

Also last night I decided I was tired of living in an apartment, so today I begin the hunt for a house/townhome to rent. Gotta get cracking on looking into School also.

I love you Krisi, hope you're having a great time.

Love is a crazy thing/ things learned

I'm so completely in love with my girlfriend Krisi. But I have a very hard time communicating that to her. My actions as of late definataly don't help at all. All I want is for her to see that I love her more than anything in the world. That I would do anything for her. What I have learned is that the smallest things can mean the most. I'm set on showing her everyday in everyway that I love her and want her and only her. She is the air I breath, she's the warmth I feel on my face outside. She's the wind in my hair as I drive down the road and 1000 mph. She's my strength, when we fight it feels like the breath has been taken out of me. I become so weak and frail. I can see how much she loves me in her eyes with just one look. I want her to feel my love for her in just one look also. But there's so much more she needs to know. She needs to know that I would fall apart without her. I would crawl in a ball and die. Life without her would not be worth living. So close I've come to losing her and all at the fault of my own doing. I want to scream my love for her from a mountain top so the whole world can hear.

A little bit of me and a whole lot of you
Add a dash of starlight and a dozen roses, too
Then let it rise for a hundred years or two
And that’s the recipe for making love
It doesn’t need sugar ’cause it’s already sweet
It doesn’t need an oven ’cause it’s got a lot of heat
Just add a dash of kisses to make it all complete
And that’s the recipe for making love
And if you’ve made it right you’ll know it
It’s not like anything you’ve made before
And if you’ve made it wrong you’ll know it’cause it won’t keep you coming back for more
I didn’t get it from my grandma’s book upon the shelf
I didn’t get it from a magical and culinary elf
No, a little birdie told me you can’t make it by yourself
And that’s the recipe for making love

I love that song, one of my favorites from Harry Connick Jr.

Hogan knows best

This show is crazy. It's just crazy that Hulk Hogan has a reality show. The guy we all watched as we grew up. It's just funny and nice how it reinforces that he is just a normal dad. Dealing with all the normal things dad's deal with..... all be it with a bit more money. I guess vh1 picked the right wwf star, err I mean wwe. The big yellow dodge ram suites him well. It's awesome that he son is really into supra's.

more later,........

Lost

where you can't be

A horrible event. Breath stolen from me by the one I love. Where I am is not where I should be, it's not where I want to be. I'm so in love, yet I haven't given her what she needs. I haven't shown her how I feel. I just haven't expressed my love in the way she wants. She says that everything I've said to her has been said in the past by others. This may be true, but when I say those things I put every bit of myself into them. She is my heart, she is what I want. She is who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I see such amazing things in her. Her love, her strength, her passion... passion something I lack right now, something I have to find. Not just for the sake of my love but for me as well. I do feel as though someone has knocked the breath out of me though. Maybe it's a wake up. The one things I'm certain of is that she is the best part of my life and I need to let her know that every moment. I let her down last night, by not being there when she needed me. This is something that hurt her and all I want to do is make it better. How though, that's the question.

All I can do is change, become someone better. It's all in my power to change the things that she doesn't like about my life, the things I don't like about my life. I just hope that she don't think I've taken her for granted... this isn't even a possibility, she knows that my heart beats her name.

more in a bit, I have to clear my head..........

this is all we know

It's funny how people always say change is possible. How if you want to be different then you can change. I have in recent days come to the conclusion that is bullshit. Over the pass six or seven years of my life I have heard a few things mentioned over and over again. No matter how much I think I have changed or 'grown" as a person the same things happen. Why is this? Is this some sort of loop that all humans are caught up in. Is this the meaning of life? What I mean is that once we see the loop and is it for us to break this loop.... I do believe this is what some of our destiny is comprised of... not all of it but a part. Now I'm wondering how often this sort of thing happens. Does it happen to everyone or just us unlucky bastards? Well, apparently I'm full of questions. I guess that is a good thing. I'm not ready to settle for what may be before me, instead I choose to make myself. No one is going to do it for me. I'm certainly not going to win the lottery any time soon.

So now seeing the loop that is part of my life I have to find a way to break it and change what is set for me. Or maybe it is set for me to break this loop. Who knows and now I've gone deeper than any of us can find an answer for.... neat huh?